I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
