On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
