I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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