i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
