the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
