Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
