This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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