How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize