I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
