Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
