I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
