yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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