Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
