I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize