Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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