im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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