After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
