You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I love you.
Bad choice
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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