4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Your face is a jimmy john
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
