He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
