I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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