I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
