JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
