Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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