Just cropdusted the office
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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