i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
