Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
