never play flip cup with pint glasses
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
