I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
