You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
4 words: hood of his car
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
