The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
