the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
