Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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