I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
