so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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