Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
