the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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