does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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