Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize