This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
