Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
