dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you win again, gameday.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
