But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
