It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
