i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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