i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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