you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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