It's a beautiful day for a hangover
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
