Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
