I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
