tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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