I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
