i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
