Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
