Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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