I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
