How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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