By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize