Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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