There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
