Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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