It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
