Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
