So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
