He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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