i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
