dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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