I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
