I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
