Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
