okay pat passed out under dana's car
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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